It will not take you long to figure out that there is some deeper issue feeding this rant, so I might as well put it out there now. I have a very complex and stressful family situation at the moment, and it’s what made me realize just how many times I’ve told – but didn’t want to talk, and how relative this is to a lot of the issues people have with the transparency of social media.
So – I’ll say again…if you tell expect to talk. Think of all those times you have shared something with your Mom only to have her question your judgment and ask questions. It only takes about three minutes before you think twice about having said something in the first place and although the two of you may move on, it’s a pretty darn good chance that 3 months after the conversation when something related to the original topic surfaces again, your mom will have more to say about it and more questions.
Think also of that friend of yours who broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and then shared with you all their horrible flaws and sought your solace only to get back together again and expect you to forget the conversations ever happened.
In both of these situations – it’s impossible to go back once the initial conversations happen. If you tell, expect to talk.
You give the listener the right to ask questions. The right to judge you. The right to be worried about you. The right to experience a myriad of emotions related to the situation. Pity. Anger. Sadness. Relief. Whatever those emotions might be, the listener now has an open door.
You have to remember that YOU are the one that opened the door and that you are the one that might have to defend your thoughts and feelings. You might have to accept that others respectfully disagree with your approach. You might end up regretting it all.
But – hopefully…and this is the most important part…you’ll learn something from the entire experience. That’s what telling and talking is all about. You open yourself up to the talk, suffer and learn from the conversations and then hopefully come out on the other side having somehow improved your relationship with the teller. You have to tread lightly because unforgiveable words could be spoken and inescapable judgment could be laid down.
It’s no different with social media, right?
Social media is transparent. That’s for sure. And some people do all talking but don’t ever share anything about them. Some people do nothing but tell and then don’t engage when people try to talk to them. It’s hard to talk – to have to defend your thoughts and feelings, but it’s what makes the interactions genuine.
So – buck up – you told. Now TALK.
