So – I’ll say again…if you tell expect to talk. Think of all those times you have shared something with your Mom only to have her question your judgment and ask questions. It only takes about three minutes before you think twice about having said something in the first place and although the two of you may move on, it’s a pretty darn good chance that 3 months after the conversation when something related to the original topic surfaces again, your mom will have more to say about it and more questions.

Think also of that friend of yours who broke up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and then shared with you all their horrible flaws and sought your solace only to get back together again and expect you to forget the conversations ever happened.

In both of these situations – it’s impossible to go back once the initial conversations happen. If you tell, expect to talk.

You give the listener the right to ask questions. The right to judge you. The right to be worried about you. The right to experience a myriad of emotions related to the situation. Pity. Anger. Sadness. Relief. Whatever those emotions might be, the listener now has an open door.

You have to remember that YOU are the one that opened the door and that you are the one that might have to defend your thoughts and feelings. You might have to accept that others respectfully disagree with your approach. You might end up regretting it all.

But – hopefully…and this is the most important part…you’ll learn something from the entire experience. That’s what telling and talking is all about. You open yourself up to the talk, suffer and learn from the conversations and then hopefully come out on the other side having somehow improved your relationship with the teller. You have to tread lightly because unforgiveable words could be spoken and inescapable judgment could be laid down.

It’s no different with social media, right?

Social media is transparent. That’s for sure. And some people do all talking but don’t ever share anything about them. Some people do nothing but tell and then don’t engage when people try to talk to them. It’s hard to talk – to have to defend your thoughts and feelings, but it’s what makes the interactions genuine.

So – buck up – you told. Now TALK.

Give them a chance, they’ll grow on you.

1.) The roof tells the story.

Last Thursday night it poured down rain. Buckets of rain fell and woke us out of a sound sleep on numerous occasions. Friday morning it was still raining just as hard. That morning, while walking the puppy, I realized that the contractors working on a new house next door to us were working feverishly to finish the framing. It was pouring rain. Those house framers didn’t seem to mind one bit – radio playing music, generator humming, nail guns pounding (no one uses hammers anymore), a damp chill that had to be worked from your bones so it didn’t take over, and a new home being built for one lucky family.

This same day, I saw at least five people in my network post comments on Facebook similar to, “today is the kind of day you just want to curl up in bed and go back to sleep.” I have to admit the thought crossed my mind, too.

What’s the difference between the house framers and those who want to hide from rainy days? They had purpose. That house build had meaning to them. I found out just today from speaking with one of the builders, that one of their crew (a father and uncle to some on the site) had passed away three weeks ago while building that very house. The rest of the crew wanted to finish it in his honor. Their commitment is now permanently visible on the roof.

I’ll make a very broad generalization and say that maybe some of those folks (myself included until I took a bit of the builders’ purpose and decided to push forward) who wanted to curl up and sleep the rainy and cold day away – lacked a driving desire to work for, toward, because of, or in spite of something. Find a purpose.

2.) Want to feel good about yourself? Watch the Jerry Springer show.

A colleague of my husband’s, who was out of work in the past, concurred with me that Thursdays are the worst day of the week when job hunting. It’s the low of the low and she said, “I never thought about it but, now that you mention it, if I got all the way through Thursday soaps operas, Oprah and to the Jerry Springer show, then I knew it was going to be OK. If you ever want to feel good about yourself, watch Jerry Springer.”

I got to thinking that her approach was not so different from mine. I have been job hunting for 5 weeks now and have yet to turn on the television, but one of the reasons I have been getting more involved as a Hospice volunteer and just generally donating more food, money and time during this work lull is because it keeps me grounded with reminders about what is really important. For some it’s Jerry Springer. Thanks, Jerry.

3.) I love this shirt so it will fit.

This inspirational thought is courtesy of my five year old daughter who is trying to deal with the fact that her favorite shirt is starting to get a bit tight. She’s had it for three years. The innocence, optimism and sheer naivety of the comment has encouraged me over the past five or six days to just say “yes” (ala the Yes Man movie) to a few things in my life. Some believe that you make the life you want so if she can make her shirt fit then I suppose I can take steps toward achieving what I want in life.

4.) 90% of social media is just showing up.

This one comes courtesy of @BostonMike. Many might think it is common sense, but in the social media space I think there are a lot of people who don’t know this fact or seem to forget it frequently. For geeks (I am one) social media is an easy way to connect with others, but if you don’t EVER show up in person then you’re missing out on half (I might even say ¾) of the fun.

Extrapolate this idea out to the rest of your life and you’ll be amazed at how your relationships are deepened just by showing up and participating in person with your friends, family, and colleagues. Be social.

5.) Ring the bell the next morning.

It’s an @billrozier statement, for sure. And it’s so true. I haven’t heard him say it recently, but the basic concept can be applied to any number of situations and it runs through my mind frequently. The context for the phrase is – go ahead, play hard. But just be sure you’re there to ring the work bell the next morning. Be present and have your A-game ready. It also has been inspirational to me in times where something has gone wrong and it would just be easier to ignore it and forget about it. And that doesn’t just apply to work situations. It can also be helpful when dealing with situations involving family or friends. Ring the bell – face it head on. Play hard, live hard and ring the bell.

I laughed and my husband just shook his head. Probably because he knew at some point in the near future he’d be subject to the “six finger silence” method. I had laughed too hard to let it just pass by without using it!

It got me thinking, though, about all the different situations in which I could use the six finger silence method — and the six minutes of silence I often wished I got from marketers. Communities and social medias allow us the luxury of doing our own research on a company or product and I wish that companies respected this new order of things. Prospective customers need the six hypothetical minutes of radio silence while they process all the information available to them and before they start being marketed at. I say “at” instead of “to” because as Brian Halligan at a recent AMA Boston event said, “we’re all just sick and tired of being marketed at.” We no longer have to sit on a couch and watch a TV commercial because we’re too lazy to get up. We have remote controls now and we can change the channel.

I wish some companies (you know who they are – the obnoxious ones sending you repeated email blasts and call you several times a week when you’ve never even indicated an interest in their products)  waited until I raised my hand and asked for direct information. I wish instead of marketing at me, they observed six minutes of radio silence and focused their time and energy on creating content that the masses could consume, react to, and provide context for all of the rest of us doing our research. Then, when we were ready, we could raise our hand and receive their marketing information.

1. They could preserve their highly-valued prospect database and only market when they had important things to say
2. They could take advantage of using the lower cost community and social medias to create and propagate content that encourages people to raise their hand as a prospect
3. I am a happier customer because I’m receiving the types of content and marketing information that works for me

So, to all those companies that market at me – with no regard to frequency or how disruptive your marketing techniques are — I give you the six finger silent treatment while I go off and talk to your existing customers to see if you’re worth it.

PS – I am a Marketer.

Prior to her saying, “You have to A – S – K to G – E – T,” I never would have asked for something like that. I have always somewhat resented (and still do) people who play the system to their benefit. But the way she phrased it made it sound like there wasn’t anything wrong with simply asking the question. Her take on it is that if you ask and it turns out to benefit you then GREAT! If it doesn’t then so be it. At least you know and you move on.

What a great way to live life. It’s not about playing the system. But – it is about asking the questions that might get you what you want in life. Why not ask?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve acted on this phrase and to how many people I’ve passed it along (sorry for my friends and family who have heard me say this 1,000 times over the years). But – I can tell you…if you just A – S – K, you will sometimes G – E – T.

Give it a try.

PS — Thanks, Jessica.

Halloween 2009

My daughter is learning to read, so numerous times throughout the day we phonetically pronounce letters and their sounds. The word PROUD definitely starts with a P.

And, I look at this Halloween photo and proud is what comes to mind. It’s not a fancy staged family photo – it’s not even all that great – but, it speaks volumes about my kids and the kind of people they are becoming. People I am very proud to know.

My son (9-years old) decided one day that he’d spontaneously help my husband stack wood for our winter fires. He worked all afternoon with his dad. No complaints. No giving up. Somewhere during the day he decided he’d start weeding the foundation of our house, too.  Now don’t get me wrong, we do these things in our house called “family helps” and each kid gets $2 a week (one of which goes in the bank) for completing their family helps with us, so he knows the concept of getting paid for work. But the thing that impressed me about the wood stacking and weeding is that he just did it with no mention of it being a family help.

Later, when discussing his Halloween costume choice and the fact that it was too expensive, he was crushed. However, we gave him three options.

1.) Re-use his costume from last year (which still fit) and we’d give him $10 for his unselfish help with stacking the wood.

2.) Purchase a new, cheaper costume (we gave him a dollar limit) and keep his $10 woodstacking money.

3.) Put his $10 toward the more expensive costume he wanted and forgo any cash in his wallet.

He chose #3 and he’s happy and proud with his work with his dad and his costume decision. We heard no grumbling, no whining, and no trying to get things to all turn out in his favor with the new costume and the money ending up in his pocket. He made his choice and we supported him.

Now my daughter (5-years old) chose a different route. She was – from the very first time the topic of Halloween costumes was discussed for the year – going to be Padmé Amidala for the second straight year. It didn’t matter what we said, she wouldn’t budge. She also decided at some point, that Padmé wore a blue sparkly head wrap so she would, too. Now to the best of my knowledge, Padmé never wore a head wrap but since my daughter wanted to wear one, she insisted that Padmé had, indeed, worn a head wrap. We rolled with it and she was happy as a clam in her old costume with her added accessories.

Both kids are confident in their own ways, happy with their decisions and having fun. Again, PROUD starts with a P comes to mind.